35 & unhappy at work?

How long does it take to get good at something? I mean genuinely properly world-class good? Good enough for the world to beat a path to your door. Good enough for you to consistently exceed the expectations of that world when it does.

The answer sort of depends on your chosen field but usually the answer is: -

Longer than you'd like

And certainly longer than every Internet self-help guru who says that whatever your age, all you've got to do is want something badly enough and put enough time aside for your ascent to be automatic. Even if you go buy some shiny Apple products to help you along the way.

Can we be honest? There are few fields of endeavour that you can enter for the first time at 35 years of age and make it to the very top. Even fewer at 40.

The obvious example is anything that requires extreme physical performance; only the deluded expect to become professional athletes after about 25.

But there are barriers even in seemingly non-ageist careers like Law when you do the maths. If you're going to start studying Law at 35 you're about five years away from actually practising and, unless you're truly exceptional, your chances of making partner at a Magic Circle firm are zero. At 40 you won't have the stamina to put in the hours required of an Associate. Of course you may still end up with a job that you love but can you honestly clock up the hours to get genuinely good?

Besides which, does the world really need another lawyer?

I've long envied those contemporaries who just knew what they were going to do in life. It gave them an internal consistency that translates into a massive career advantage. Early on they got called unimaginative and dull but as the years go by their ascents have come to be seen as inexorable.

I am not that person. Never was. I was the clever kid who, when told that he can achieve anything he wanted in life, believes it a little too much. Intoxicated by the possibility of everything led to years of focusing on nothing. Only in the past few years have I reconciled myself to the fact that I will never ascend to the top of any organisation because I've never shown the slightest loyalty to one.

People like me are plagued by the F Scott Fitzgerald observation that 'American lives have no Second Acts'. So plagued that often we never getting around to having a First Act.

So here's my tip: -

If you reach 35 unsuccessful and unhappy then you need to think very hard before cutting all ties with everything that's gone before in order to invent yourself anew. No matter how much you pretend to be a twentysomething just starting out it'll be clear to the world that you're older (but not wiser)

Any choice you make from now until retirement has to be informed by what you've done before, no matter how unsuccessful or unsatisfying it was. A change of direction is okay. As is a change of emphasis or company or country. All of these can be made to fit a narrative. What makes most sense is tracking down the coolest company in the world that does what you do now and taking a paycut to be there. Relocate at your own expense if you have to.

But that Brand New Thing that you've always liked the idea of doing? Well, sooner or later you need to accept that there's a real reason why it remains undone. 35 is about that time.

If my comedy was going to put me on TV it would have done so by now. But I would've had to have been monomaniacal in that pursuit from about 23 onwards and I wasn't. Now I'm 43.

I'm 43 and I'm writing this on a plane to Vienna where I have to make a lunchtime presentation before flying to Stockholm for a dinner with a different client. Neither company is the slightest bit surprised by my workload or my promiscuity. They value me and accept that others value me also. After all, I've been doing this gig (consulting to the health care industry) for fifteen years. I've earned the right to charge what I charge. Every day I set out to re-earn that right.

I acknowledge that I left it pretty damn late in starting my First Act. I also acknowledge that whatever I do next must be an extension on those last fifteen years, an elaboration at best. A complete departure would be a negation of all of that and be like diving back into a poolful of hungry twentysomething sharks.

I have accepted that in every other endeavour I will be no more than an enthusiastic, if perhaps gifted, amateur.

If you want to successfully change your life at 35 try re-reading your resume before burning it.