Full of bile and venom

Last night's sleeplessness, Manila traffic and the ambient chaos of Niño Aquino International Airport had me arrive at the departure gate chock full of bile and venom.

Of the myriad vestigial rituals clinging to 'luxury' travel the procession of interruptions that are supposedly the hallmark of good service pisses me off the most.  As pointless as airline safety demonstrations may be I accept that a legal logic is in play.  But tell me why I must hear from multiple crew members on other topics?  Why is the captain as well as the purser compelled to make an announcement before take-off then again 'once we're airborne'? Why interrupt the inflight entertainment (wishfully claimed as a USP) to tell me that you're going to interrupt me again later?

Am I alone in measuring good service in terms of the least number of staff intrusions? Who was the last person actually pleased by hotel turndown service?  I don't understand the logic: if I'm out I most likely won't notice the alteration in bedlinen when I return.  If I'm in then whatever I'm doing is interrupted whilst I answer the door and say, "No thanks".  Not all porn channels have a pause function you know.

The threat of a hovering proprietor is the main reason I shun the English Bed & Breakfast.  Once you price in the energy expended gushing over the farm fresh eggs and the wasted ten minutes being shown the frankly troubling collection of objets d'art on the mantlepiece that country house hotel down the road looks like a bargain.

But whereas creepy B&B's can be avoided air travel is inevitable.  Scripted platitudes droned out in multiple languages (I've been on Korean Air lately) and of course the seatbelt sign is illuminated before it starts so we can't even bury our ears in headphones.  Any airline that starts from the assumption that I don't need to know by name the captain, first officer, whoever else is assisting them on the flight deck, the person heading up 'my' cabin service team and the rest of the crew will get my business.

Wow. One solitary solid week of travel and I'm whining like Tyler Brûlée.