This is not a complaint
My working life began in 1989 when I finished my Business degree and became a ‘Trade Marketing Associate’ for Unilever Australia. I have been self-employed since 1992. I have been operating on a Headcount: 1 model since 2003. I have never been as busy as these last four months. The last time I got to the bottom of my ‘To Do’ list was June. My working day begins with an new iteration of the urgent doing battle with the important. Client demands have crowded my every personal project, including, obviously, this blog.
But this is not a complaint. What very bliss it is to have built a thing, business, and find that it is in demand. My diary is full and my mind is entirely focused on doing this one next task as well as I can. The operational part of my business has no choice but to operate under the assumption that the fundamentals are in place.
Even so, I wonder about the longer-term sustainability of it all. The next round of plane flights need to be booked tonight whether I'm fatigued or not. I am busy because I have a reputation for high standards. In such a world there is no such thing as a small mistake: any slip-up costs me with time, money or kudos. This is self-employment at its least forgiving.
The obvious solution is to take on staff, at least someone to deal with the more bone-headed stuff like collating expenses and organising hotels but to do so would be to shift away from a business model that has served me so well for almost ten years. I hesitate because I question my ability to forgive. Of late I've started snapping at my suppliers for (often imagined) inefficiencies. God knows what I'd be like to share an office with 40 hours a week. If I'm going to go back to being a boss then I have to improve my communication and get better at setting expectations and rediscovering the knack of cutting a bit of slack. I'm unconvinced that I'm up to the task.
Right now I'm approaching this new phase suspicious that if I take on staff then they will let me down. In the space of 400 words I've gone from not complaining about being busy to actually complaining about imaginary staff. Even so, I suspect that 2013 will be the year they stop being imaginary.